He is definitely not cosmopolitan..

Love is a fat Chinese man standing in his boxers on the porch throwing rice into the front lawn.

I once bought an orange mug because it matched my car

Dear Portland.

How numerical you are. Alphabetical. The double decker bikes, the non-threatening homeless population. It's like a drag show, every night. There are stereotypes for a reason, and the new Portlandia show? Painfully accurate. Portland laughs, we know it's true.

I'm continuously getting e.mails from AerLingus (an Irish airline company that has ridiculous rates flying overseas) advertising trips from New York for less then $300. It pokes at my travel bug. It seems that once you've caught it, no matter what you apply you're always going to be itching to just get up and go. I could afford a ticket for that much, I'll hitchhike to the east coast. I'll hope in the back of freight cars, get into the cab with truck drivers who own big rottweilers, starting bar fights at pubs with names like "The Fleshy Chicken". I can be your world travel service, going where demand is high. Quickly, before I get old. Two years ago I was across the pond hopping trains (legally via rail pass), sleeping under bridges, couch surfing and avoiding almost certain deaths (yes, multiple ones) in some of the most incredible lightening storms I've ever almost died in. At 19, before you jump off the cliff, you hardly double check to see if there is a body of water to catch. At 40, you don't even go near the edge. Well, I'm still in that invincible stage of my life. I still do stupid things without many regrets. 'Self destruction is still a cute word to have in my vocabulary'.

Last week boxing classes starting. Funny thing about boxing: it's a lot harder then it looks. The stamina it takes to punch someone continuously in the face should be as simple as Fight Club makes it seem. I'm going to be so butch.

Next monday is the day my best friend moves down to join me in the Rose City. A common migration for Bellinghamsters is either Seattle (nice city, not for me), and Portland. It seems I fit into this stereotype. So sue me. This could be advantageous for the both of us. With my constant desire to quit my job, I might be able to work something out. I have a plan involving our unemployment status and our obligation to eat, drink and be merry.

The trick? Spend all your money on wine, women, and good song.

See you space cowboy.